I was always interested in why things were the way we were; why people do the things they do. I’m sure we all were, to an extent. At least at some point in our life. You know how annoying little kids keep asking adults “But why?” about every little freaking thing and their parent begrudgingly responds, “Because that’s just the way it is!” or “Because I said so!” Now don’t get me wrong, I am all for giving annoying toddlers any reason to shut up. But I think we all got so used to adults telling us this when we were little that we really just began to accept things the way they were with no questions about it because, in reality, what were we gonna do about it? Now I’m not gonna sit here and act all scholarly since I finished over 2 years of college before dropping out, but when you start to learn a little bit about our culture in this society and why things are, and psychology and sociology yada yada yada, there’s basically about a million scholars and theorists that can deny that things are one way because, well, they just are. Let’s look at me, for example, since I can really only talk from experience. For starters, once I started to come into my true being, I always loved being very expressive through my clothing and makeup. I loved being a girl who people stared at, for better or worse. From bloody eye makeup and black lipstick to dressing like a slutty five-year old; either way, the saying “less is more” never really had an effect on me. I never minded seeming crazy as long as I peaked people’s interest. I always wanted to be very unique and come off as super interesting, especially with my sartorial choices since I never felt confident enough to do it with my words. I have severe social anxiety so basically if I’m with a group of people I’m just meeting, my mind sort of goes blank and my throat starts to feel like it’s closing up. My whole life I was always characterized as super shy and quiet. I was the easiest target to make fun of because, well, I never said anything. And growing up in a family of people who never shut the hell up didn’t really help. I always remember my grandfather saying, “Kelsey, why don’t you ever talk?!” and how I needed to get a personality if I ever wanted to get by in life. And so me, desperately wanting approval from my family members, my desire to have people interested in me for my uniqueness became stronger and stronger, and our, supposedly “individualistic” societal standards didn’t help to thwart those desires. So yeah I definitely became “unique”, or just a weirdo, whatever you want to call it. But it’s not like my social anxiety went anywhere, sorry Poppop. And yeah, this doesn’t take away from the fact that I am super passionate about clothing design and makeup, but a lot of my behavior also comes from insecurities, which is weird since to most people it would seem like I was super confident in myself and didn’t care what anyone thought of me. Yeah, I wish. Basically what I’m saying is my insecurity about my personality presented itself through my passion for fashion. Lol. You’re probably wondering why I brought all of this up. Well I think it’s interesting to look at the reasoning behind things because the answer is never really “because that’s just the way it is.” We don’t keep doing these random crazy and potentially self-destructive behaviors because we think it’s good for us. I don’t attend my college classes looking like a zombie just because it’s fun; even though it is. I’m super insecure about being boring so I overcompensate! A lot! Most of the time, things we experience during our transformative years almost always come back to bite us. I just think learning about ourselves is so life changing. Learning about anything can be life changing. We need to continue to pursue all of our curiosities and find out why people do the things they do. Because most people are insecure or worried about something and finding out more about them can only lead to more connectedness with others and ourselves. I think learning is one of the most fulfilling experiences and we can always do more of it. We’re all just terrified and clueless human beings, am I right? Learning more about yourself and about the world can only help us! Not do harm. And hey if it does… therapy is great!!
Ya girl Kelsey who is already doubting her first blog post